16 June 2010

Pregnancy Vices

While perusing one of my new favorite blogs, OffbeatMama, I came across a seriously kickass article, Learning Not to Worry During Pregnancy, in which the author shares her liberation from all the worrying she did in her first trimester. With her no-worrying policy now firmly in effect, she admits to indulging in one diet soda a day, painting her living room with low-VOC (not no-VOC) paint, and enjoying a much happier pregnancy because of it all. Her general level of chill-ness has encouraged me, a natural worrier, to enjoy and admit to a few pregnancy vices of my own. Because really, the human race has been reproducing for millions of years without worrying about the nitrate content of its morning bacon, so should I really be losing sleep over it?


I therefore present the following list of Cindy's Official Pregnancy Vices:
  • I lay on my back when I'm reading on the couch. Or when I'm trying to get to sleep and the prospect of resting all my body weight on one still bony hip or the other seems unbearable.
  • On occasion, when I'm trying to get something from the top shelf and nobody else is around, I (carefully) get up on a chair to reach it instead of waiting until Kip gets home.
  • I had a whole two gulps of my aunt's red wine during my week in Norway. And they were tasty.
  • I still cuddle with my cat. Once, when it was really, really bad and Kip was in the middle of an 80-hour workweek, I changed the litter box (and then promptly burned my hands washing them, but I still did it!)
  • When I have bad heartburn, I eat ice cream. And it's not the "no sugar" kind, it's Haagen Dazs.
  • I have logged about 15,000 miles of high altitude, cross-country flights (such as the trip to Chicago where I took the above photo). I did not get up and walk every hour of those trips. And I'm still going to Ketchikan in two days.
  • I don't wear gloves and a mask when I clean with Clorox wipes.
  • I've become a raging fan of "Dexter" thanks to the Instant Netflix streaming option. I'm pretty sure becoming obsessed with a show about a forensic blood splatter specialist who moonlights as a serial killer goes against the "Don't watch any TV or movies that are violent, suspenseful, or stressful" rule, but I love it.
  • I forget to take my prenatal vitamin on a semi-regular basis, and I still sleep at night.
Now, this doesn't mean that I'm running through the streets of Juneau flinging cat feces to and fro, chain smoking, and eating my fill of bologna, but it does mean that I'm not breaking down crying every time I do something on my list (with the possible exception of the vitamin thing; I live in eternal fear that Bean will be That Awkward Kid who doesn't technically have anything wrong with him but who is unbearably slow and socially awkward because I didn't get enough Vitamin F26 or something like that). And I have taken up many good Pregnancy Vices like drinking superfluous amounts of water, paying far more attention to my nutrition, and taking rapturous amounts of joy in reading articles about prenatal development (Did you know that my baby will soon be able to see the light difference if you shine a flashlight on my belly? THAT'S AMAZING!).

I figure that this new commitment to calming the crap down about the million "What If?"s of pregnancy will just train me for parenthood. For example, I've already come to the realization that 12 minutes of tummy time instead of the recommended 15 does not mean that Child and Family Services should be called to my residence. Progress! Now I'm off to bake some banana bread (with protein powder, of course). And I might just lick the spatula.

1 comment:

Columbo said...

The fact that you said humans have been reproducing for millions of years and not six thousand years made me smile.