21 April 2010

But I Don't Want to Look Like a Triangle!

I thought that once I announced our pregnancy to the Internet, it'd be all I could blog about. That was the reason I had been blogging with increasing infrequency, after all--I didn't think I had anything else to reflect on. But now that we're over four months into Mommy- and Daddy-to-be-Land, the surge of emotions has passed (mostly), replaced by the numbing feeling of Reality slapping us in the face.
With a dirty diaper.

Are you going to give birth in a water tub? You're not planning on using a second-hand anything, are you, because you know they're incredibly unsafe? You're not planning on buying anything new and having it shipped to Juneau, right, because you can find everything you need at yard sales, you know? Why did you quit work so early? You are going back to work after the baby is born, aren't you? Were you "trying" or was it an accident? Are you banking your cord blood? What are you going to name your child? Are you sure it's not twins? Don't you miss having your family around? Have you looked at new apartments, because don't you think yours is too small?

On top of the eekiness that I've always associated with the term "trying to get pregnant", the questions that well meaning, but mostly anxiety-inducing friends, acquaintances, and all-out strangers have been asking us have started to drive me mad. Because it's not like I didn't already have a long list of questions going through my mind, for example: Why do most maternity clothes insist on making women look like a walking triangle?; Will I contract toxoplasmosis by simply looking at my cat?; How can you tell the difference between the baby kicking and just gas?; and What the crap is a phalate and why on earth do I need to keep it as far away from my child as possible? Alas, with great fertility comes a great amount of intrusive questions, and my Adventures in Pregnancy have started.

Get ready, blogosphere, I'm finally ready to write about it.


Kasey said...

I say you sell the placenta to men who are trying to cure male patterned baldness....

That is my only advice.

Also, attached you to my blog. Hope you don't mind!

Cindy said...

Actually, now that you mention it, apparently I could have a "lotus birth", where we don't cut the umbilical cord, and I just salt the placenta and carry it around in a shoebox next to the baby until it falls off naturally.

That's right, salt the placenta. Like a slug.

I'm honored to be attached to your new blog. I will update my link to yours :)

Kasey said...

That is so gross.

If you salt it that much someone has to eat it!

hrobins said...

Tee-hee! The word verification for this is "pangent" which looks a little like "pregnant"! I just thought that was funny...

Well, I don't think it's possible for you to ever look like a triangle, and I think you're beautiful anyway.